A huge part of working in the field with IJM, and a huge part of the majority of my life, has been watching people come and go quickly. As soon as I begin to be able to wrap my mind around a personality, and I no longer feel like I’m running around a person in circles, but I have finally caught up and am running beside them, they disappear. Or I disappear. Somebody disappears.
This doesn't make me sad. ...anymore. When people move in and out so fast, I learn to fall in love with them quickly (and usually a little too cautiously), I learn to fall out of love even more quickly, and I learn to appreciate people. Fast. It is easy for people who are able to assume that someone is going to be around forever to under-appreciate loyalty and consistency, but for travelers, movers, and nomads, loyalty and consistency will never go unnoticed. At some point, I’m sure some of us will even have a big ugly cry about how much it meant to us while we journal about it.
One of our favorite questions to ask upon meeting new people, and a question the world seems to be very hung up on at the moment is, “Are you an introvert or an extrovert?” It’s an important question for us because the extroverts need each other for 5-hour lunch dates, the introverts need to acknowledge camaraderie (from a distance) and send each other emotionally-involved Facebook messages that will never be talked about face-to-face, the introverts desperately need the extroverts to come pull us out of our apartments and force us out into that uncomfortably big world to see things that we need to see, and I’m sure the extroverts probably need introverts for something.
And, of course, the introvert/extrovert spectrum is just that...a spectrum, and we all have found ways to tweak these generalizations to make them our own. A friend told me this week that she is “an extrovert with introvert tendencies.” I would get more specific and call myself “an introvert who is extroverted in that I am very comfortable with public speaking, and I am strangely not embarrassed by much.” Then that shifts to a new kind of specific. I am a sarcastic romantic who struggles with balancing the two. He is a romantic idealist who is constantly hurt when there is a problem he can’t solve. And slowly personalities start to emerge from the foundations of “introvert” and “extrovert.”
Today I was having a very introverted day that involved me waking up around 10am, and not moving from my bed until 4pm. I know that sounds sad, maybe a lot sad, but my brain likes to wander, and I love giving it the opportunity to do so. It’s a rare occasion that my brain and I find time to do this, but some days my brain needs to be able to wander off to where it would like.
I wish I could say that it wandered off to something profound that led to something prolific, but mostly I spent time trying to think about better questions to ask someone in order to get to know them better other than “Are you an introvert or an extrovert?” I also thought about how annoyed I get by overly idealistic quotes that people paste over backgrounds of flowers and beaches and post on Facebook. For some reason I thought about The Lion King, how much I miss salads with goat cheese, and baby names. Something about writing screenplays. Then I thought about skipping the introvert/extrovert “Who are you?” questions to the “What makes you?” questions.
What in this uncomfortably big world makes you feel alive?
For me, I feel most alive when I’m doing, not thinking, and I'm able to forget about time. I feel most alive at the bow of a boat, when I can’t see what’s coming next, and I don’t care. The only thing to think about is the love for what’s in front of you. I feel most alive when I’ve tied a rope to the back of the car, and I’m being pulled on my snowboard down the street, and I suddenly realize that, when the car stops, I’m not going to stop. I feel most alive over eye contact that can be interpreted much more deeply than the words a person is speaking. I also feel alive over a really good cup of coffee and blank paper.
What in this uncomfortably big world makes you terrified?
High school girls, attempting to be honest in blog posts, and a few other things.
What in this uncomfortably big world makes you safe? Bored? Annoyed? Challenged? Defensive? Optimistic? Quiet? Loud? Rebellious? Get out of bed? Retreat back to bed?
It is amazing to me that, just as something as huge as the universe is constantly expanding, so is something as small as a single person’s personality.
At 4pm, I got up for some cereal, tried to reassure my dog that it wasn’t her, it was me, and that I just needed to be alone today, and then I got back into bed and watched movies.
I would call this day a complete success, which is funny because I can name more than a handful of people who would consider my success to be a punishment.
But as my brain was flying a million miles an hour trying to figure out how to know and love people better, I really just landed on how cool it is to have to opportunity to know and love people in whatever capacity I have to offer. And it is amazing to know and love people who are nothing like I am, and, even harder, to love people who are a lot like myself.
It would be a lie if I said that this year isn’t turning out to be the hardest of my life. But I say that very comfortably. There is something simultaneously challenging and rewarding to knowing that you’re under construction and that you’re going to meet the other side with anticipation and as a person you weren’t eight months ago. Much of that is due to people who asked questions and desired responses, to people who listened, and to people who shared their own stories.
This is getting so off topic.
Knowing people is a privilege. Stories can be good. I love knowing what makes a person. Different personalities need each other. The Superbowl is tomorrow. And now I am happily getting back in bed.
My love to each of you,
W
